If Only...

Hours in a car. Just the two of us. Hardly a word will be spoken, I already know it. And that's why I'm dreading those hours, hundreds of miles, in a car; just the two of us.
There are a thousand things I want to say to you. A million words I want to speak. And I wish that you would listen. But I don't think I'll have your attention.
If I could say anything in the world, I'd say everything. I'd tell you that I miss you. That you are never around, and it hurts me. I'd tell you that I love you, even when you think no one loves you. Because that's what I fear the most. I fear that you are living life alone, without anyone to love you. But I need you to know that I love you. I'd tell you that. If I had the chance.
I'd spill my heart. All the dreams I've been keeping from people, keeping from you. I'd let you know my dreams, my wishes, my plans. If I could just talk to you.
And I don't know what's stopping me. Hours in a car, just us, but it's not the time? I've grown too used to the thought that my words aren't important. You've made it too clear in the past. That is precisely why these words will never be spoken aloud. These feelings in my heart that I've cried over many a night. They'll never be given up, they'll never be let go.
But whether I tell you this or not, I hope somehow that you know. I love you. I miss you. I wish things hadn't happened the way they happened. I wish we could go back, not that it would change much. I just wish you knew. I wish you knew.