empty.

Something that really frustrates me:
wasted time. wasted effort. waste.

I spent a good 45 minutes talking to someone last night about strategies to get off of drugs, encouraging him to go to treatment, looking up phone numbers for him and NA meetings that he should attend....
I have a sinking feeling that I wasted those 45 minutes.

A few days ago, I pulled a string or two and got a kid into a homeless shelter when he was going to be on the streets that night otherwise. He left the shelter three days later, saying that he'd had enough of their rules...he didn't ask to be locked up....
I wasted so much of my time on that.

I talked to a kid last night who said he needed shelter. I feel like today I will likely waste my time getting him into a program that he'll bail on in a few days.


This is frustrating.

On top of all those concrete examples of time wasted, I feel like, in general, living this life is a big waste of time. I don't get why I'm here--I don't feel like I'm really helping, if there is anything to be helped--this is frustrating.

But something inside me tells me to keep doing this. Keep going to school, keep learning to be a social worker, keep working with the homeless, keep living this life. I don't know why.

And I'm overwhelmed.


I keep thinking about meditation and relaxation strategies. I keep thinking about yoga and deep breathing and just being less stressed. But I don't know where to start in any of this.

My friend Lisa is in India right now and I miss her. She's spending her time learning the art of relaxation. She's learning to just be. I kind of really want that.