it never ends...

I keep thinking, "If only I can make it until xx/xx/xxxx. Then I will be able to rest."

Things are kind of falling apart all around me.

Yet, I am not overly concerned. I just keep going...day to day, day to day...not worrying too much..not worrying too little. I'm content, in some ways, and very discontent in others. I hope for my kids to get jobs and move on. I hope for some of them to get healthy and move on. I hope for most of them to be happy and move on.
I hope my family will learn to be less dysfunctional....but there is something about the concept of personal responsibility. I can't solve the problems of everyone around me. All I can be is stable and unwavering. The still point.

If not for the still point, there would be no dance. And there is only the dance.

I think that soon (by soon, I mean after I get my bachelors and my masters degrees) I will move on from here. I think that there are greater things on the horizon than this little town. I think that I will do great things and tire myself out completely so that one day I can be content in the simplicity of life.

But I think that for now, my job is to be. To just be. Be consistent. Be compassionate. Be firm, but understanding. Be.

In all things, I must stand firm. Alone, with the help of my friends.